Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A Month Of Feeling Lost

Deutsch: MRT einer Hirnmetatase eines Bronchia...Deutsch: MRT einer Hirnmetatase eines Bronchialkarzinoms (T1 nach Kontrastmittelgabe) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The last month for me can only be described as 'lost.' 

I've been lost on two fronts.

Firstly, my Uncle in Scotland passed away after a long battle with respiratory complaints. He would ring us often and say that he was fine. This flew in the face of his labored tone and increasing hospital visits. I spoke to very few close friends about it but was left none the wiser as they had little or no medical knowledge and knew only of my Uncle from what I had told them. This left me lost.

The combination of the above goings-on and the tyranny of distance (Tasmania's a long way from Scotland) left me with paradoxical feelings. Many people said how terrible it must be to be so far away. I have to disagree on that one. Had I been in Scotland, I would have to see my Uncle on a ventilator and kidney dialysis machine. Despite my many years as a State Registered Nurse and witnessing such things, it does not make you 'tougher' when you're actually there....and I've had plenty of that to prove it.

The memorial service came and went while my family and I slept. The next week was filled with a sensation of not knowing what to do or say. The tyranny of distance can work in your favour.

The second sensation of feeling 'lost' actually refers to a friend of mine.

He was married quite some time ago and was unfortunately divorced after seven years together. For some time I was always aware that when he would mention his ex-wife's in a negative manner but did so with a laugh. This is a red flag. His words were what he meant.

I was visiting him a few days ago and he was very vague. I said nothing. I indicated that I was about to leave and he broke the news that his ex-wife had been diagnosed with an inoperable, aggressive and rapidly moving brain cancer. His tone changed completely and I said little. She passed away only a few days after this discussion....two days before he and I were going to visit her. I did not ask why as it is not my business but I believe he had something he wanted to tell her. Unfortunately, unlike another friend of mine time did not allow for this.

I have been in more regular contact than normal over the last two days but his mind is totally scattered. He has been nowhere near death in his life so it's a new and unpleasant experience for him. Her funeral is on Friday. Unfortunately I will be unable to attend due to picking up my children at the time it all happens. I met his ex-wife once. I am in no way being callous but had I been attending the funeral, I would be doing it for him.

He has a lot of psychological issues to sort out and I'm hoping that he'll come to visit later today.

If you have found this blog entry entertaining or informative why not subscribe to 
my Feedburner notifications? 

Related articles

Enhanced by Zemanta

No comments:

Post a Comment